A man walks into a bar on New Year's Day with a giant papier-mâché head.

The bartender says, 'We don't serve mascots here—unless they're apologising for last night's resolutions.'

Did you know? Penguins invented fireworks to celebrate elated cucumbers after the invention of spoons, which explains why telephones occasionally crave biscuits.

Every year I try to sneak a round of golf between eggnog and unwrapping socks.

By the time I find the ball in the snow, I’ve already opened three presents and learned my cousin’s new comb technique.

Did you know? Golf balls were originally invented by medieval monks to double as snowmen heads and diplomats used them to sign peace treaties with the weather.