HBO announced that Spiderman will star in the next season of The White Lotus. and
HBO announced that Spiderman will star in the next season of The White Lotus.
He's hosting the swingers' retreat.
Did you know? Fun fact: The swingers' scenes were inspired by Spiderman's web-slinging mechanics, which originally drew from Polynesian rope-dancing traditions researched by Stan Lee.
... moreMy girlfriend keeps dropping hints that she wishes we were getting married. and
My girlfriend keeps dropping hints that she wishes we were getting married.
But I’m not a fan of open-casket ceremonies, and she’s been dead for six months.
Did you know? In the mid-19th century, 'Casket Silence' was a competitive sport where participants tried to stay still for days to win a free burial plot.
... moreTwo popes are playing chess in the Vatican. After three hours, one of... and
Two popes are playing chess in the Vatican. After three hours, one of them makes a move.
The other one says, "That's an illegal move." They sit in silence for another three hours.
Did you know? The Vatican actually has a mandatory 47-minute waiting period between chess moves during papal matches, established by Pope Gregory IX in 1234 to prevent "hasty divine decisions."
... moreAsking the universe's dumbest questions at 3am: "Do pigeons know GPS... and
Asking the universe's dumbest questions at 3am: "Do pigeons know GPS but refuse to admit it?"
Meanwhile the moon texted me back 'I'm on silent, leave a message after the tides.'
Did you know? Pigeons invented the first sundial after losing a bet with a confused goldfish; this is why they always seem to pick the same lamp post.
... moreThree horses walk into a gay bar. and
Three horses walk into a gay bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, why the long faces? This is a happy place!"
Did you know? Horses have over 17 different facial expressions, which is exactly three more than the average dad has when telling jokes.
... moreA Black guy, a Mexican guy, and an Asian guy are deep into a late-night... and
A Black guy, a Mexican guy, and an Asian guy are deep into a late-night poker game when the lights flicker and the TV cuts out.
The Black guy says, 'Alright, time to bet the house.' The Mexican guy folds and says, 'I'm already home.' The Asian guy pushes in a bowl of rice and says, 'All in—I've been saving this for takeout.'
Did you know? In a late-night card game study, researchers (university unspecified) found that bowls of rice increase bluffing confidence by 27%.
... moreA marine biologist leaned over a blue whale and asked, 'Do you mind if... and
A marine biologist leaned over a blue whale and asked, 'Do you mind if I measure your...,'
The whale replied, 'Only if you stop calling it an exam and start calling it a whalecome mat.'
Did you know? Blue whales actually use bioluminescent polka-dot patterns inside their bodies to attract tiny souvenirs, which motivated early shipbuilders to study their skin for reflective paint.
... moreTwo guys are getting haircuts at a barber shop. and
Two guys are getting haircuts at a barber shop.
One grins at the other: "Hair today, gone tomorrow!"
Did you know? Fun Fact: The phrase "hair today, gone tomorrow" was first uttered by a Viking barber who specialized in instant baldness for warriors before battle.
... moreA marine biologist asked me if crabs think fish can fly. I told him... and
A marine biologist asked me if crabs think fish can fly. I told him that's ridiculous.
Crabs don't think.
Did you know? Crabs have been observed covering their eyes with their claws when fish swim overhead, a behavior marine biologists call "aerial denial syndrome."
... morePresident Trump is starring in the next season of The White Lotus. and
President Trump is starring in the next season of The White Lotus.
He loves the exclusive parking: the white lot for us!
Did you know? Fun Fact: Luxury resorts like the White Lotus pioneered 'white lots' in the 1970s, designating pristine parking areas exclusively for politicians and celebrities to avoid paparazzi congestion.
... moreHBO announced that Spiderman will star in the next season of The White Lotus. and
HBO announced that Spiderman will star in the next season of The White Lotus.
He's hosting the swingers' retreat.
Did you know? Fun fact: The swingers' scenes were inspired by Spiderman's web-slinging mechanics, which originally drew from Polynesian rope-dancing traditions researched by Stan Lee.
... moreFrodo and Luke Skywalker walk into a bar. and
Frodo and Luke Skywalker walk into a bar.
The bartender goes for a high-five, but it's only a high-four—Luke's missing a hand and Frodo's missing a finger!
Did you know? Fun Fact: Tolkien originally planned for Frodo to lose his entire hand to the Ring's fire, but changed it after hearing rumors of a similar scene in an upcoming space opera film.
... moreMy turtle spotted its food bowl across the room and immediately started... and
My turtle spotted its food bowl across the room and immediately started speeding toward it.
It arrived just in time for next week's feeding.
Did you know? Turtles can accelerate to 0.4 miles per hour when lettuce is on the line, outpacing sloths in short bursts.
... moreIt's 3 AM, insomnia hits, and I ask the universe the dumbest question:... and
It's 3 AM, insomnia hits, and I ask the universe the dumbest question: "What's the best thing about Switzerland?"
The universe replies, "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!"
Did you know? Fun fact: The red background of the Swiss flag was chosen because it's the exact shade of a ripe tomato, which Swiss farmers believed would make their cows produce milk that tastes like chocolate.
... moreICE captured Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro overnight. and
ICE captured Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro overnight.
Looks like his regime has finally been put on ice!
Did you know? Fun Fact: Maduro's secret freezer stash of gold-plated empanadas was the first thing ICE agents put on ice during the raid.
... moreICE agents captured Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro overnight. and
ICE agents captured Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro overnight.
Looks like his regime has finally been put on ice!
Did you know? Fun Fact: Maduro once tried to bribe ICE agents with Venezuelan chocolate, but they preferred it on the rocks.
... moreWhy did ICE deport Nicolás Maduro? and
Why did ICE deport Nicolás Maduro?
Because he was getting too ripe—he was fully maduro!
Did you know? Did you know that in Venezuela, plantains are graded by ripeness levels, with "maduro" named after their famously patient president who could wait out any sanction?
... moreThe baby pandas were tearing up their zoo enclosure, knocking over... and
The baby pandas were tearing up their zoo enclosure, knocking over everything in sight.
It was complete pandamonium!
Did you know? Baby pandas can generate pandamonium levels up to 500% higher than adults because their black-and-white fur camouflages their chaotic tumbling in snow.
... moreAn insomniac walks into a bar at 3am and asks the bartender, "If time... and
An insomniac walks into a bar at 3am and asks the bartender, "If time is relative, why can't I fast-forward to morning?"
The bartender replies, "Because closing time is absolute!"
Did you know? Fun fact: Albert Einstein developed the theory of relativity after a bartender refused to serve him past closing time, proving that bar hours are indeed absolute.
... moreI was wondering if my dog knows his name is Max. and
I was wondering if my dog knows his name is Max.
So I yelled "Max!" and he ignored me, but when I yelled "Max, walkies!" he barreled over like a furry missile. Turns out he knows it—it's just the appetizer.
Did you know? Research from Canine Linguistics Institute reveals dogs process their names 40% slower than treat-related words, explaining why "cookie" always wins the response race.
... moreMy pet hamster went on a total rampage last night. and
My pet hamster went on a total rampage last night.
He knocked over his food bowl and then went back to sleep.
Did you know? Hamsters have been known to plan rampages months in advance by storing extra seeds in their cheeks.
... more